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The only other bird Colleen had seen in person was a cutie pie that rode on his mom’s shoulder whistling the tune to Gilligan’s Island or something and the Ever Look At Someone And Think Your Mom’s Egg Has To Be Expired Shirt. Colleen was disappointed to discover that Dixie wouldn’t talk or sing and had no interest in learning, although she squawked when the phone rang. All Dixie wanted to do was pull hair out of my head for the nest she was building for the baby bird she was expecting, even though she had never had any opportunity to get knocked up and hadn’t even laid an egg.
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So then Colleen said she needed a ferret, a snake, and some rats, but that’s where I drew the line and the Ever Look At Someone And Think Your Mom’s Egg Has To Be Expired Shirt. I said she could get her own when she grew up. So the poor child had to resort to catching worms, bugs and slugs in the courtyard and sneaking them in the house and then losing them and asking me if I’d seen them, which was the first I knew they were even in the apartment. I also had no idea about the mouse she somehow caught and kept in a shoebox.
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All I know is, one day we were laying on the living room floor camping out when Colleen said, Wook, Mommy, there’s a big bug with hair on it! And I said, No, honey, bugs don’t get that big around here and they don’t have hair on them, either. It looks like one of your socks to me. She said, No Mommy, that’s not a sock and the Ever Look At Someone And Think Your Mom’s Egg Has To Be Expired Shirt. That’s a big bug with hair on it. Turned out to be a mouse, which ran off when I sat up. I didn’t see it again until I found it living in a shoebox.